


Her Composure

by YamiBaki



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Broken Heart, F/M, Heartbreak, Reader Insert, Sad Ending, Sadness, Sans Being Sans, hurt reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 14:12:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9185194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiBaki/pseuds/YamiBaki
Summary: Composed-having one's feelings and expression under control; calm.It takes a great amount of skills to be that composed when you have feelings for a certain short skeleton, even more so when he can read your soul's wavelength, knowing that something is wrong.“Then why does it feel like your soul is drowning in sadness?”





	

**Composed** \-  having one's feelings and expression under control; calm.

 

His chuckle still rang in her ears, echoing in a soft tone, mocking her. She didn't hate the sound, she found it calming actually, but it was beginning to cause her pain.

 

She watched, helpless, as the door closed behind him. His form no longer there with her, leaving her alone upon the roof of his home with nothing to accompany her but the blanket that was draped across her shoulders. He was everything to her, but she knew she didn't mean that much to him.

 

Friends was the only thing they'll ever be, she was sure of it, and she was okay with it now.

 

Monsters had risen from underground three years ago, something that many of the humans around the area had not seen coming.

 

The human race had assumed that monsters were going to start a war, take revenge for what humans had done years ago to them and stuff them underground to suffer the same fate they had suffered. But they were mistaken, the monsters wanted nothing more than to live up on the surface in peace and along side the human race.

 

Frisk, the ambassador for monster-kind, had a chat with the president and somehow, the two had come to a sort of agreement. Monsters had received their own rights and given jobs by many, even getting their own citizenships and having the same rights as human beings.

 

Many humans had not been pleased with this, and many of them left the surrounding area to head as far away as they could. But the abandoned houses were perfect for the monsters who were looking for a place to live.

 

She had met Sans and his brother two years ago, when they had entered her workplace for a bite to eat. Her connection with the shorter skeleton was almost immediate, and their friendship grew in the blink of an eye. They had a lot of things in common, from their love of certain book authors, to their knowledge of the stars, to even their favourite comedians. It didn't take long for her to understand that her feelings were far beyond that of simple friendship.

 

She has always been like that, quick to understand when she had a crush on someone or when she wanted something.

 

She was planning to make a move, timing herself right and doing simple things at first for his attention. It ranged from how often they met up, the clothes she wore and how well she made herself look. The compliments he gave her were enough to make her heart soar, her cheeks redden and her very soul brighten.

 

She had been ready to ask him out, but there was one thing she hadn't counted on.

 

He already had someone he was in love with.

 

Her name was Toriel, she was tall and kind, very motherly with [y/n] and sweet. And she had the most beautiful heart that [y/n]'s ever seen.

 

[Y/n] could had sworn that her heart had shattered along with any chance she had to get with the elder skeleton when she saw the look he gave Toriel, be it when they spoke or when she paid attention to his ramblings.

 

The harsh reality that [y/n] had refused to accept at first washed over her like a wave, reminding her of something she could not control.

 

She was human, and not a monster.

 

She was who she was, and not Toriel.

 

It was the first time in her life that she's ever compared herself with someone else, the first time in her life that she loathed her very existence and questioned herself for being who she was.

 

Why could she not be Toriel...?

 

Eventually, she did what she was best at. She composed herself, pushed her feelings down to where they were nonexistent and plastered a smile on her face.

 

Things went back to how they used to be, her and Sans were nothing but friends, joking around and spending time with one another, and her feelings were never there.

 

Of course, this change didn't go unnoticed.

 

Papyrus and Sans had both asked if she had been alright, only receiving a quick “I'm fine.” The others had also asked, but decided against questioning her again when she reassured them that she was alright. Sans was the most persistent, questioning her over and over again, asking if someone had hurt her or something. She kept herself calm and repeated her answer, before asking him why he would even ask that.

 

“Because your soul is crying...”

 

His answer was not what she had been expecting, but she should have seen it coming. She knew that monsters could see souls and read their wavelengths, being more sensitive to the soft humming of it than humans were. But she just plastered on her regular smile and nodded, trying to see how she could calm that soul of hers down before it gave anything away.

 

Yes, she was hurt, but she'd be damned if she let any of it show.

 

She didn't want any of her friends to worry about her.

 

She's been keeping her feelings to herself for over a year now, and before she knew it, two years had gone by. She felt proud of herself, being as calm as she was and never giving anything away. Yes, there were times when Sans and the others would glance down to gaze at her chest,  _her soul_ , but she made sure to keep her poker face, much to their annoyance. She understood, they were her friends, her _family_ , they wanted nothing more than to help her. But she refused, because she knew if she tried to get help, she'll crumble down and spill everything from her feelings to her tears. Sans wouldn't see her as who she was ever again, and she couldn't have that.

 

Their fourth year together was nearing, and to celebrate, both her and Sans had gone up to the roof of her building to gaze up at the stars. It was fine, just like always. The two of them were laughing with one another, cracking stupid puns and jokes, and even mocking some of the people at her workplace who had become such an annoyance to the two of them. Everything was great, as it should be.

 

But it was a pain knowing that Sans would glance at her soul whenever he thought she wasn't looking.

 

The telescope stood beside her, her coffee had long since grown cold as her attention was stuck on the stars above her. One of them in particular capturing her attention, blinking rather brightly compared to those surrounding it.

 

“You okay kid?”

 

The sudden sound of Sans voice had startled her, causing an unattractive squeak to escape her lips. She turned her head to send him a short glare, her cheeks glowing lightly in embarrassment. A chuckle rumbled in his chest, his smile a much more natural one than the strained one he seemed to hold whenever he spoke with other humans.

 

Her chest would have fluttered, but she did her best to control herself, smiling at the skeleton who made his way towards her with a plate of cookies in hand. “Tori's here, she brought some cookies for us that she baked with Frisk, thought you'd like some.”

 

“Gee, thanks.” [Y/n] muttered softly, letting out a soft giggle.

 

In a flash Sans was sitting down next to her, plate of cookies outstretched towards her to offer her one as he gazed up at the many stars in the sky. “So, wanna talk about it?” He asked, turning to face her as she took a cookie for herself.

 

She raised a brow at him in confusion. “Talk about what?”

 

“About why you're feeling so _crummy_... I can see it in your soul, you're hurt.” Sans was smarter than he looked, and she knew that. But just because he was very sharp, she wouldn't let up. If she could, she'd take her feelings with her to her grave, even if it's nearly impossible to hide her feelings from a monster that could read souls.

 

“Your puns are what hurt,” she mutter, taking a bite of her cookie. “I'm fine, I'm a tough cookie after all.”

 

This didn't convince him. “[Y/n], I'm being' serious here kid,” he began, watching her eat in silence. ''If something's wrong, you can always tell me or Paps, we're here for ya.”

 

A sigh escaped her lips, already tired of hearing him ask her the same thing for at least a year now. “I'm fine Sans, you don't have to-”

 

“Then why does it feel like your soul is drowning in sadness?”

 

Her lips pursed into a thin line, the hand holding onto the cookie she had been eating lowered and sat upon her lap. He was concerned for her, she knew, but there was no way she could tell him.

 

Just a touch or a show of her feelings for him, and they'd cross a line she knew would never be uncrossed. There's a high possibility that they'd never be able to go back to being 'just friends' if she confessed or did something along those lines. The rejection would only cause her to distance herself away from him, and that wasn't what she wanted at all. 

 

“Sans I...” She began, her words dying as she tried to find an excuse, or even anything that could make him stop asking her. He nodded, silently telling her to continue while he waited patiently.

 

She didn't want to lie to him, but what else could she do?

 

“I... I can't get over this one guy, okay?”

 

Well, it wasn't a complete lie. She couldn't get over him, no matter how hard she tried. And now that she thought about it, this would be a great time to confess her feelings low-key, and he'd never know. They did say that talking about it was therapeutic, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk about her feelings with the very skeleton that she had feelings for.

 

“You... Were in love with some guy?” Sans asked slowly, raising a brow bone in confusion.

 

All [y/n] could do was nod, feeling her heart break all over again when she thought about how she felt when she saw Sans light blush when he spoke with Toriel, or the look of a love struck fool he had when the two were in their own little, pun-filled world.

 

“He's just... He's just so great Sans, he makes me laugh when I wanna cry, he makes me smile when I'm having a bad day, just having him around is enough for me...” [Y/n] explained, her chest growing warm as she thought about the man sitting next to her. “He is just.. Perfection to me, I love everything about him, from his personality to his flaws...”

 

“Do I... Do I know him?” The skeleton asked, watching her expression closely.

 

[Y/n] shook her head, her hands gripping the blanket that was draped over her shoulders tightly. A lie, yes, but its better if he knew as little as possible. “I adore him, I want to be near him all of the time but... He has someone... And as much as I love him, I won't stand in his way...”

 

If she could, she'd applaud herself. With how fast her emotions changed, how did she not break down and confess? Her composure must have improved from the two years in a half that she's had, keeping her feelings and expressions under control.

 

“Gee kid... Sounds like you really love the guy...” Sans commented, his voice was softer than normal, but she didn't pay attention to it.

 

“Yeah... I do... But I'm slowly trying to get over him and just give up completely...”

 

The silence between them was comfortable, that air that had been floating around Sans changed. A cool breeze blew by the two of them, as the stars began to glow brighter. Sans was surprisingly silent, most likely keeping to himself rather than asking her any more questions. That was just how he was, not one for asking too many questions or prying into other people's business. And that was one of the many things about him that she loved, even if it was all in vain.

 

“Look,” she whispered, lifter a hand to point up at the sky. “A shooting star! Make a wish.”

 

She didn't bother to turn and see if he listened to her, for she closed her eyes as soon as she could. Inhaling through her nostrils, she heaved a soft sigh, taking in the night air as she thought of her wish. Childish, yes, but it was something that could help calm her. She's always loved it, making wishes upon stars, there is not a single person who hasn't done it at least once.

 

_'I wish I could get over Sans...'_

 

“You're pretty good at hiding it, you know? Your feelings...” Sans suddenly spoke up, his pin-pricks for eyes still glued to the inky black sky. “If I couldn't hear your soul's wavelength... I never would have known how sad you were...”

 

[Y/n] just chuckled and gave a short shrug. “What can I say, it's a gift.”

 

“It's not a good gift... Hiding yourself like that from your loved ones...” He whispered, mostly to himself.

 

For the remainder of the night, the two sat there in silence, neither one of the two knowing what they could say. Not another star fell, the sky as calm as it could be.

 

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to hide herself under a calm mask, but it did help save her a lot a trouble. Trouble of being asked if she was alright constantly, trouble of others judging her or making up strange rumours that something was up, or trouble of others trying to do something unwanted about how she felt.

 

All in all, being calm about everything helped keep the drama at bay, even with her monster friends.

 

She'll be okay, she knows it. She just has to stay composed and calm until one day, all of these unwanted emotions were under proper control.

 

Maybe then she'll be able to hang out with Sans as friends again, without having to feel her heart snapping in two when she sees him with Toriel...

 

But one can only hope..


End file.
